And What Should I Do in Illyria?

From now on...

2008-12-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

I will be here . If you keep up w/ me, please change your link. :)

BTW: I won the tree argument, but I think Chad is still protesting by not putting the lights on it! :(

A change...

2008-12-05T09:29:00.000-08:00

in venue is happening here. As you can see, my site is having some issues. Chad has set me up under Wordpress and I will be working on switching everything over the weekend. So for all 10 of you who read and link to me :) I will be in new place come Monday. :)

BTW - I am winning the Christmas tree debate!! Yay!!

Do I give in and...

2008-12-01T08:06:00.000-08:00

buy our first pre-lit, FAKE Christmas tree? I think we are the last members of our family to still get a real tree every year. Chad thinks we should go fake and lots of people have said that they love the no hassle with theirs, but I am having the hardest time accepting that I might never have that lovely smell in my home for the next 10-15 years. My son will grow up without knowing the joys of picking out the perfect tree, the smell of pine needles in the living room while he opens presents or even watching Daddy put lights on the tree.

I know all the perks and believe me, I would not miss watering the tree to keep it fresh and vacuuming up stray needles, but I think those things outweigh the loss of memories.

So, fake or no? I'm just not convinced I can bring myself to do it.

This is our sweet little tree from last year.

I am thankful for...

2008-11-28T09:51:00.000-08:00

~ my adorable son

~ my amazing husband

~ a sweet family

~ my beautiful home

~ Franklin, TN

~ rosemary turkey, Sister Schubert rolls, apple cake, charlotte rousse, cheese grits

~ all my friends who make life so fun

~ Football!!

~ everyone who serves our country w/ such amazing courage and sacrifice

~ grace and mercy and unconditional love from

my Lord and Father

Things I wish I could do...

2008-11-20T11:41:00.000-08:00

This is not a "Bucket List", but things I daydream about that will probably never happen. They are pleasant thoughts, though.

~play the guitar

~paint beautiful pictures with words as well as with paints

~buy my mother-in-law a house and a reliable car

~adopt a child from Africa, Asia, and Eastern Europe

~be in a ballet

~act on stage

~go to a ball

~design beautiful clothes for petite women

~go to Fashion Week in NYC or Paris or Milan

~write a musical

~sleep in a castle

~write a novel

~live in Tuscany for a little while

~harvest grapes at a Tuscan winery

~live in County Kerry, Ireland for a little while

~play the violin

~own a bookstore in a place like downtown Franklin or Carmel, CA

~have Tim Gunn give me a makeover and be able to buy the clothes he suggests

I bet you'd never guess...

2008-11-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

that I am a complete Shakespeare nut. Funny, huh? Probably not what you would think I would be into, but I really love his works. I was top in all my Shakespeare classes in college. Doesn't really fit with the Ole Miss, southern sorority girl image, does it? :)

So, while I am trying out new things with the blog, Chad decided to get rid of his "*Blogstar" moniker, so I have to have a new name too! I am just trying this one out to see how I like it. It is a quote from the first Shakespeare play I wrote a paper on and one of my favorites. Anybody want to take a guess as to which one?

I'm Trying New Things...

2008-10-30T09:22:00.000-07:00

new layout, new elements, maybe even a new name. Just trying. :)

Blessed...

2008-10-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

beyond measure. I am and my son is, to have such amazing guides. All these beloved people have shaped my and Chad's life and will do the same for Elijah.

This is my sweet and gentle Mamaw.
This is my beautiful, faithful and incredibly kind mama. I want to be like these two ladies.
This is my strong, sensitive and compassionate Daddy.
This is my grand-daddy, an amazing man of faith, prayer and wisdom. I hope my son takes after both of these men.
This is Chad's mama. She is the most generous and giving person I have ever met. She will give anyone the shirt off her back with incredible love. She inspires me.

It has been awhile..

2008-10-05T19:38:00.000-07:00

and I have been trying to blog BUT my little man has been keeping me busy AND blogger keeps erasing my posts (arggggggg!) AND I have a new nephew! He is the cutest, tiniest thing! I can say that b/c my little man has never been tiny! ;)

He took a whole hour and 15 minutes to be born!! Geez!

This is...

2008-10-02T10:25:00.001-07:00

his birth announcement. So cute!!

Oh my...

2008-09-11T20:01:00.000-07:00

Think it is a little big for him? His daddy can't wait until he grows into it! ;)

Already???

2008-09-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

How can he be a month old already????? I just got him!

Good news! He is starting to sleep longer at night and his eating habits are becoming more regulated. Yay! He got to meet his other great-grandmother thanks to hurricane Gustav and he made it to his first Smith party, being adored by all who beheld him. ;) He had his first photo shoot thanks to our sweet friend Becky. She got some amazing shots. He changes every day, but I am still in wonder that he is mine to keep.

3 weeks later...

2008-08-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

and we are even more sleep deprived! ;) So Elijah LOVES to eat, WON'T sleep in his bed, LOVES to be held and has the hiccups after almost every meal. It is very cute. I think he looks just like his daddy w/ a little of me in places, but Chad keeps saying he doesn't see it. Whatever!

Two weeks...

2008-08-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

old today!!! I cannot believe it has already been two weeks!

We are so in love and so sleep deprived. ;) I want to cry every time I look at him b/c he is so amazing and I cannot believe he is mine.

I will have more when I am more coherent.

FINALLY!!!!

2008-08-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

Elijah Gavin Jarnagin is here!!! Wow. The past couple of days have been.... crazy.

If you haven't seen and heard from my twittering husband, I finally gave birth to our son.

6:30pm on 8-5-08

9 lbs 6 oz

22 inches long

Yeah, wow.

One week later...

2008-08-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

and still waiting. :( I will be one week past my due date tomorrow and so my doctor is going to induce tomorrow. I really didn't want it this way, so I'm sad, but happy too. I absolutely cannot wait to meet my little boy, but I'm sad my body isn't working him out naturally. C'est la vie. I will have my baby tomorrow one way or the other!! :) Yay!

Waiting...

2008-07-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

Well, the day isn't over yet, but I don't think we are going to be meeting our son today. :(

This gives me comfort and sums up how I am feeling though. I can't believe he will be here any day! I am truly blessed.

Child Poem

Child, Light to my soul-shadow, my confusion

Coming sweetly, and so small

Growing within, a stealth, a mystery---

I am moved by this simplicity.

Transfixed with thanks, folded in love,

I cannot adore enough,

I cannot speak.

Like trees and snow and stars and street,

I too am silent in the widening light.

Myrna Reid Grant

HT: Sheila

So will it be....

2008-07-28T06:38:00.000-07:00

tomorrow or not? Who thinks Baby J will come when he he is supposed to and who thinks it will be later?

I am REALLY hoping for tomorrow! The suspense is killing me!

So to sum up the week so far...

2008-07-23T14:15:00.000-07:00

Sunday: Oscar, my sweet little dog, gets REALLY sick.

Monday AM: Start Oscar on meds and isolation.

Monday PM: AC upstairs decides to bug out for the 2nd time this summer.

Tuesday AM: Spend morning and lunch with my mom, sis, niece Brianna at my sweet grandparents house. Got to take a nap! Rush home to meet AC guy only to find AC working properly. Nothing he can do.

Tuesday PM: BTW this is the time my dad predicted that Baby J would make his appearance...he did not. Anyhoo, AC bugs out again!

Wednesday AM: Call AC guy again. Contacts start bugging me and figure out that I might be allergic to my solution. Go to bank, Post Office and get lunch for Sheila and I. Come home to have lunch and meet the AC guy and guess what?? AC is working properly again! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Seriously, what else is going to happen this week? Maybe I will have a baby?? Who the heck knows?

Gifts so far this week:

AC!!

a nap on my grandma's couch

an amazing lunch at my grandma's

an amazing lunch w/ my dear friend

a husband that is the man of my dreams

peanut butter cup ice-cream :)

3 weeks from today...

2008-07-08T13:57:00.000-07:00

I am going to be a mom. Wow. Even though he has been, as Chad puts it "butting around," inside me for the past 9 months, it still doesn't seem real. I feel his little feet and knees and elbows and legs constantly pushing up and out. I feel his hiccups on what seems like a daily basis. I can feel him tensing up for a jump or roll and I still don't believe it is actually going to happen. He has a name, and clothes, and a crib, and books for me to read to him and toys to interest him. And I am soooooo impatient to meet him and yet, still not real.

I went to the dr. today and nothing! He is still in there and no where near coming out to meet me! :) I was very disappointed. But I don't think it has sunk in that it will no longer be just Chad and me. I have had my sweet husband all to myself for the past 5 years and now we will have a little person who takes our time and attention. It is a bittersweet thought. We are soooooo excited about Baby J, but I am going to miss my Chad time whenever I want it. Just some random thoughts. I am rambling and I am hungry so I go to find a snack. :)

He gives and He takes away...

2008-06-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

Something heartbreaking but wonderful happened to me today. We got a letter.

The countdown to Baby J is REALLY getting serious and I think he is as ready as me to get here! At least, that is what I get from all the jumping, pushing and bouncing he does. I swear sometimes it feels like he is dancing or playing the drums b/c his movements have a rhythm! I prayed for over two years for this little guy and the Father has answered my prayer. I could not be more grateful. But this post is not about Baby J.

See, I have always loved kids. It is one of the reasons I became a teacher, have been a nanny and wanted to be a mom. Watching my nieces grow has given me unspeakable joy. When Chad and I first got married, kids were not on the radar, but I still loved them. I had been a nanny for an incredible family for a few years and still love those kids sooooo much. So when the band Chad joined, Among Thorns, became World Vision artists (literally on our honeymoon!) I wanted one of the first things we did as a married couple was to be sponsoring a child. My parents have faithfully sponsored many children throughout my life. Their pictures have always been on the fridge right beside my sisters and I. I wanted a HOPE child, a girl, b/c of how the AIDS epidemic has ravaged Africa and how girls are treated in certain countries there. I went through lots of profile packets and found a little girl named Oliva. It was so close to the name of the youngest of the children I had nannied for, I knew she was perfect. She lives right outside Kampala, Uganda. Her birthday is April 8 and when we decided to sponsor her in 2003, she was just barely 4 years old. Oliva lives with relatives b/c her parents have died from the AIDS virus. She has written us so many sweet and touching letters, each one containing a hand-drawn picture, each one showing us how much she has grown. This is the letter we got today:

Dearest friend,

I am your beloved daughter you have been supporting all along. World Vision Rakai-Kakuuto Area Development Program is closing all the activities but I want to thank you for the exercise books, uniform and the building of my school. I cannot forget my blanket, shoes, clothings, a sweater and many others. I wish to say bye, bye, bye my friend.

Nakatudde, Oliva

Basically I have been a crying mess ever since. The letter from World Vision tells how the goals for her community have been met and they all appear to be amazing and wonderful, but that does not help my broken heart. She has been a beloved daughter and I feel like I have lost her. I won't get her sweet letters and drawings anymore. I won't get to see her grow up, which I desperately wanted. I won't get updates on how she is doing health-wise. I won't get anymore pictures and even though the ones I have do not show her smiling, I know she has an amazing smile that lights up her beautiful face. God has given me my deepest desire, a child of my own to take care of and watch grow, but I am losing my first. I hope she does know how much we have loved her and that she is our beloved daughter. We will keep her picture on the fridge and I will pray for her like I do now, but there is a hole in my heart.

Gifts today:

~ feeling my son roll and kick and try to "escape"

~ getting a letter from my first child that I will treasure always

Oliva age 4

and

Oliva age 8

My Mississippi is...

2008-05-28T11:48:00.000-07:00

HOT! Talk about the dirty South, come to Hattiesburg, MS! Skyscraper size pine trees, tons of pine needles and heat, heat, HEAT. But this is the place of my childhood. It is a place with:

the sound of the buzzing locusts in the trees around dusk,

the warm air surrounding you and moving ever so slightly,

friendly people who don't know a stranger,

food cooked with tons of butter and heavy cream,

lots of slow, lazy conversations

the best iced tea in the world,

fruit stands where ice-cream, crawfish and designer shoes are sold

family

My cousin just finished a family history project for his junior year and we spent last evening sitting around discussing our family genealogy. My grandfather has been collecting records for his family and he brought out a plethora of documents for us to go over. Some were last wills and testaments, some were letters between sisters, some were county documents, some were poems and dissertations written by ancestors. We learned so much! We learned that my grandmother is actually named after a saloon girl my great-grandfather fondly remembered. My cousin learned that he is most likely related to one of his best friends. We learned that we have both sharecroppers and plantation owners among our ancestors. We learned that we had family fight in both the Revolutionary and the Civil War. I learned that my great, great, great grandparents came from Scotland, but settled in Franklin, where I live now, before moving south to Mississippi.

Mississippi may be the poorest state and not very pretty. And it may have a bad reputation due to its past, but it is a place of heritage and home. The word Mississippi is beautiful to say and write and for me it will always be a place of iced tea and history.

Did they mean to....

2008-05-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

change the story, yet add a new point to think on? While I am on the subject of Prince Caspian, I was amazed at the liberties they took w/the script and story-line. My brother-in-law, a Narnia purist and screenwriter himself, will not be pleased with how far they got from the original story, but they did provide some more thought provoking moments whether it was intentional or not. What surprised me was that, Douglas Gresham, Lewis' stepson, was an advisor on the the film and yet it still was dramatically different than the book. I have always felt that Prince Caspian is the chronicle most like a bedtime story b/c it has the least amount of action, so I wondered how they were going to make an exciting full-length film from it. My wondering was answered by a barrage of new action scenes, an interesting flirtation and a macho-tension plot b/t Peter and Caspian.

"I'm supposed to be king." -C

"Oh yeah, well I'm the High King." - P

The latter two additions I could have done without.

But what they did do that was interesting to me, was reverse Peter and Susan's roles from the actual story. In the book, Susan was actually being the "doubting Thomas" and Peter, while unable to see Aslan, wasn't feeling abandoned and in need of proof so he could lead. In the movie, Peter's confliction about his inability to see Aslan and his admission that he wished he could just have some proof struck a chord with me. Whether the writers meant to or not, they painted an accurate and interesting picture of how many of us react to God's presence in our lives when things are tough. We wish He would "show up" and prove to us He is there and cares. If we are really truthful, what we really want is for God to come in and fix-it, to save the day. Like I said in the post before, I want that. I want Him to come save the day and fix whatever is hurting me or the ones I love.

But what is faith, if it is not in the things unseen?(Rom. 8:24) And endurance through difficult situations increases our faith and produces character which in turn produces hope (Rom. 5:3-5). It felt like the writers used Romans 5:1-5 and Romans 8:24-25 as a model for Peter's struggle in the movie. Who knows? But it did put some situations in perspective for me.

Gifts today:

~ a special lunch with one of my dearest friends

~ an intense Yoga session

~ getting Baby J's bed

~ dinner w/my mom and dad

~ special time w/ the Lord

~ my sweet husband

The Great Lion...

2008-05-18T01:09:00.000-07:00

The Lion of Judah has always been one of my favorite names of Jesus. It denotes strength and honor and power and majesty. I have long had a tender spot in my heart for Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia. Lewis' contemporary and friend, J.R.R. Tolkien, chided Lewis that his stories were too blatantly allegorical, and Lewis in turn chided that Tolkien's were not. The character of Aslan is not one of Lewis' creating though. He is THE Lion and there is no mistaking that. Lewis did not want there to be any mistake though. I am paraphrasing a story that Douglas Gresham, Lewis' stepson, told:

A little boy who was reading The Chronicles of Narnia was crying one night in his room. His mother came and asked what was wrong and he told her sorrowfully that he loved Aslan more than he loved Jesus. Either the mother or the child wrote this in a letter to Lewis, who responded by saying to love Aslan is to love Jesus.

Aslan himself tells the Pevensie children on their last trips to Narnia, that it is their time to get to know him in their own world. Sometimes I feel like I seek Christ in this lion form. I watched and wept jealously as Lucy sought Aslan and found him in Prince Caspian on Friday. She was faithful, she was sure He would be there for her and yet when He came roaring in, you saw the fear that it might not be him. Yet, even though she feared that, she went to Him anyway and was rewarded for her faith by getting to throw herself into Him and be held by her Lion.

It felt a little silly, but I cannot help but long for my chance to fall into my Lion's arms and tell him how much I love Him. I want Him to come save the day, but like He told Lucy, "Things never happen the same way twice, dear one." The way my Lion rescued me, when He brought me out of darkness and made me His own, is not the way He will "rescue" me from life's troubles. In a sermon I heard Andy Stanley preach about what God does promise us, he said that God does not promise that we will rich or safe or successful. In fact, He assures us that "we will have troubles in this world" but that He has overcome them. What He Has promised us is grace and mercy when we approach His throne, approach Him. I saw a not-so-subtle vision of that when the Lion rolled around and cuddled a little girl who had been seeking Him desperately. I desperately needed to see that.

More about Aslan later, right now my gifts are:

~grace and mercy

~ my sweet, sleeping husband who loves me so well

~my beautiful son doing flips in my tummy

~a beautiful day, doing nothing with dear, dear friends

In case you didn't know....

2008-05-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing husband. I am so blessed by the man that Chad is. Not only is he super hot ;), he teaches me new things every day. It has been a tough couple of weeks for him, but he has stayed faithful. I need to brag on him right now, because he has shown amazing patience and strength AND I want everyone to know how wonderful he is! And the mother lion is coming out in me - I get super mad when someone messes w/ my man, because he is so wonderful, especially when it is for NO GOOD REASON!! If I am like this about my husband, what in the world is going to happen when my son comes along??? So I am going to be a little cheesy and write and ode to my husband. :)

My Chad is:

HOT

amazingly talented

extremely creative

sweet

sensitive

patient

loving

giving

merciful

gracious

loyal - even when people don't deserve it!

He waits on the Lord

He has a heart to serve by whatever means he can

He is really a little boy at heart - especially when it comes to chocolate chip cookies and milk and baseball

He is a good man

He is a peacemaker

He is the love of my life!

Actually, he is Chad's AND mine

2008-05-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

So, I am not a good blogger. A sweet friend told my posts are LONG and they are! :) I am not consistent and I absolutely cannot keep up w/ my amazing husband's blogging skills. But I figure that I will hopefully keep up with my new little friend's life when he gets here. My sister does an AMAZING job of sharing Audrey w/ the world here and Nathalie shares her new experiences w/ her little friend here and then my new friend Heather (the Supermom) blogs about her way cool family and their hilarious escapades and sweet moments here.

Since I am 85 days away (OMG!! It sounds so far, but really isn't!) I will probably still be a poor blogger, but when I have some inspiration the whole world will hear about him. BTW, even though the little widget says "Jennifer's Baby", he is actually Chad's too! :)

My Heart Today

2008-04-20T07:27:00.000-07:00

This morning I am overwhelmed by my God's goodness to me.

May The Words Of My Mouth

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart

Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus

And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways

Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I am glad to do

It's time to live a life of love that pleases You

And I will give my all to You

Surrender everything I have and follow You

I'll follow You

Lord, be my vision, Lord be my guide

Be my hope, be my light and the way

And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth

Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow, I will follow, I will follow

Tim Hughes and Rob Hill

Distracted

2008-04-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today I am distracted. Actually, I feel as though I have been on auto-pilot or in a dense fog for about a month. Could it be that I have given up morning coffee that I have depended on for years in favor of one or two cups a week? Could it be that I have not felt well due to stomach cramps and little sleep? Could it be that subconsciously I am worrying? "Worrying about what?", you say. Worrying about everything. Taking the right vitamins, lactose intolerance, not getting enough exercise, not having a job, watching too much TV, spending too much money, high gas prices, not having a job, not spending enough quality time w/ the Lord

I think that last one is it. While I am NOT busy, I am also not pausing to listen to the Lord. I think that I have made a lot of my self-worth come from how productive I am financially. I know where my help comes from. I know that the Lord has ALWAYS provided for me in amazing ways. I have no thoughts or desires to be wealthy, just safe and secure and I have been that. I think that is a distraction in itself. Security. While there is nothing wrong with that, if it overcomes all other desires, it becomes an idol.

Right now I am trying desperately to process whether the Lord intends for me to continue to remain jobless (and thus slightly insecure) or if I should be more proactive b/c there is something out there I am meant to do. I want to help support my family, is that so bad?? Or am I just obsessing about being secure?

"Verily, the lust for comfort murders the very passion of the soul and then walks grinning into the funeral."

This week's gifts so far:

~Baby J's kicks and rolls

~Lunch with my grandparents, mom, sisters, nieces, aunt and uncle (even if it was Mexican food for the 3rd day in a row)

~Hearing Audrey laugh her deep belly laugh and sing

~coffee with two of my dearest friends in the same day!!

~eating ice-cream w/ my daddy

~sitting w/ Miss Diane in church

~dinner w/ friends we have missed spending time with

~cherry M&Ms (not sure if I would like them if I wasn't pregnant)

~finishing a surprisingly good book (The Thirteenth Tale)

~waking up to my sweet, amazing husband

Let's see how this goes....

2008-03-31T08:47:00.000-07:00

I may, from time to time, use this as a place to air out how I feel, because I believe that I have to say things out loud to know how real or silly I sound. But mostly, I want to use this as a positive place because one of the things that keeps me from worrying myself, and my sweet husband, and the Baby J, to death, is being thankful.

I listened to a Rob Bell sermon on the way home from an amazing trip to Seagrove, FL and the part that stuck out the most was talking about gifts we are given by God every day. I have thought about gifts every day since then and that has really helped my anxiety level. So here are some gifts in my life in no order of importance b/c they are ALL important!

~ My sweet, amazing husband who I am so, so proud of!

~ Baby J who has kept me up the last three nights letting me know he is there :) This is a gift of tremendous proportion b/c of how long I have prayed to have this little guy, so I don't really mind when he is rambunctious. ;)

~ Sleep - I finally got a full night's rest in three nights! Woo Hoo!

~My lovely home - We have plenty of space and room to grow and it is gorgeous.

~ The fence that is supposed to be going in this week! Then I won't have to get out and walk Rufus for what seems like 50 times a day.

~ Our dogs that give us unconditional love and affection :)

~ Planting flowers and seeing things bloom - Thank you, Lord for creating such beauty!

~ Having my family so close by - I am so so blessed with the amazing family I have and the ability to see them almost whenever I want!

~ My 2 precious nieces, Brianna and Audrey - They are as different as night and day, but being able to watch them grow has been amazing! They have two of the best laughs I have ever heard.

~ Friends!!! We have been blessed by having some of the best, most funnest :) friends in the world! The girls in our small group are beyond wonderful. I am so blessed by their friendship. I find myself missing them as soon as they have gone and wish we had hours more talk and share. And Sheila, who I have not enough words to explain the gift she is to me. Robin and Misti, my pillars of strength, advice, and sass :) My friends from High School that even though I do not get to see often, bring joy to me heart whenever they cross my mind.

~ Good books - I have read so many books over the last few weeks and have enjoyed them all. There are so many books and not enough time to read them in!!

~ My two little African girls, Oliva and Ruth, who bring me to tears every day. Their pictures gaze at me from the fridge and even though they are not smiling, I can see their lovely smiles in my heart.

~ Having time to reflect and pray and walk. I have never had that before and God has given me time now before life changes totally, for the good :)

Time Is Flying By...

2008-02-01T16:09:00.000-08:00

(Me & Chad on the road somewhere)

(Chad & his nephew Sky @ our wedding)

In March we will have been married for 5 years. I can't believe it.

We Love The Bean

2007-11-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Our little niece is amazing.

Me And Chad

2007-10-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

At Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati before Chad sang the anthem.